A grad student's review of an undergrad.

Hello, one and all! Thank you for stopping by my little corner of the internet. Today, a reflection, as opposed to a length review. 

A grad student’s reflection of an undergrad: Was it worth it?

I’d be willing to bet my bottom dollar that quite a few students ask themselves this after graduating; I know I did. Once the euphoria has worn off and reality begins to sink in, you start to wonder what the hell you spent four (or, in some cases, three) years on.

A coffee addiction? I’m sure those are common enough.

A less than idyllic sleep schedule? Welcome to adulthood, kids.

Crippling student debt that leaves you afraid of your mailbox? I could tell you some stories.

So what, exactly, did we spend all that time, money and energy on? I’m almost positive it wasn’t for the pleasure of sitting in a library at 4 in the morning writing a fifteen page paper on 15^th Century England, or sketchy living conditions, so why? What made it worth it? What made you stick through it?

Let me tell you what made me stay, even when I had every reason to pack it in and go home. A few of the reasons are selfish, others less so.

First: The degree. After I’d dedicated my entire high school existence to getting out of Hamilton and going somewhere – anywhere – else, that acceptance letter was my ticket out. Once I got there, there was nothing this side of the mortal coil that would keep me from graduating and getting that degree, and a lot of things tried. Break ups, makes ups, hook ups (ill-advised or otherwise), death, strokes, car crashes, broken bones, mental breakdowns and a thousand other things came at me over those four years, but I wanted that degree and I was damned if I wouldn’t get it. Sure, I got burned out – who doesn’t? For the first time, I knew what I wanted and I was going to get it.

Second: My own ego. Like I said, a lot of things went south for me pretty quickly once I started my undergrad, and more than once, I was told to just come home. I was told that I wasn’t capable of living away from home, that I should just give up, just shrug my shoulders and say, “I tried”. That wasn’t good enough for me, and every time the suggestion was made, I was more determined to stay and see it through. It would probably have been easier for me to come home, but nothing that’s worth doing or getting is easy, and my own ego and sense of pride wouldn’t let me slink home with my head down. I’d left that way, and there was no way I was coming back like that.

Third: The city. If you’ve never been to Ottawa, I recommend going. It is beautiful and tourist-y, pretentious and convoluted, congested and liberating, and I grew to love it with all my heart. It is a tourist trap, but as long as you keep a firm grip on your debit/credit card, you’ll be fine. Go to the Canal in the middle of winter, take a walk across Parliament Hill, or go see the Centennial Flame on Canada Day. It’s pricey, but you will not regret it.

Fourth: I wanted to make my parents proud. What student doesn’t think this at least once? That degree was symbolic for me; it was something I could show to my parents and the family members who’d doubted me and say, “See? This is why I left, this is what I’ve spent so much time and energy on, this is what’s made me so motivated and angry and energized these past four years”. And I can honestly say that I don’t regret the time I spent because I’ll never forget how bright the smiles my parents wore were when we got home from my graduation and they looked at my degree.

Fifth: It made me grow up. So many people don’t know who they are when they begin their undergrad. They don’t know what their limits are, what they’re capable of, what they want to do with their lives, or even what makes them truly happy. I was five hundred kilometres away from home and completely alone; you tend to grow up pretty quick. I am happy to say that the person I was when I came back home was not the same person with the same name who left four years before. I’m not done growing, but I like to think I’m a better person thanks to my undergrad experience.

Last but certainly not least, my friends. I was a wreck when I started my undergrad, for a variety of reasons, but the friends I made helped drag me out of it. It took a lot of late night chats in the dorm room, pizza trips in the freezing cold, coffee runs at 2am, and more Disney movies than Walt could shake a stick at, but they did it, and I will never stop being thankful to them for it. They made me who I am, and thanks to them, I hope I’m a better friend.

When it gets down to it, the degree may not be enough for some people. Some want more; more validation, more praise, more opportunities, and those are fine things to want. You should aspire to them, and keep that goal close, but for me, that wasn’t the be all and end all of my undergrad experience. When I thought of giving up, I focused on different things – the little things like the Canal or Disney movies, or the bigger things like proving someone wrong and proving to myself that I could do it – and now that it’s over, those are the things that I feel made all the long nights worth it.

A university education didn’t make me perfect; I’m far from it, I always will be, but it made me better. You need to think of what made it worth it for you, because those are the things worth holding on to now that the experience is over.

I blocked out my middle name, and the picture was taken on the car ride home. I sent it in a text to my friend and spent the better part of an hour flipping out over finally getting it done.

Thank you for reading, folks, I appreciate it. I’ll leave you now with a quote from Peter Jackson’s 2012 “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” that I feel encapsulates this well.

“Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I've found. I've found it is the small things, every day deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love.” – Gandalf.

Till next time,~Erin.